This is a great post that I’m proud to repost. My husband and I have been married almost 48 years now, and are totally different people now than the starry eyed teenagers (18 and 19) we were when we got married. I don’t recommend marrying after just a couple months, particularly when people are so young, but for us it has worked. I can share the things that have helped us stay together so long though, in the hopes that our observations might help others. First of all, the initial lust and infatuation is not what holds you together through the years. The deep respect and friendship, as well as the shared memories, both good and bad, are what strengthens the bond that brought you together. Neither of us are perfect people and there are times we don’t like each other very much, but we never waver in loving each other and cannot imagine not being together till the end of our lives. We didn’t plan, but we did set up some simple rules. We never carry a fight into the bedroom, and we never go to bed mad. The most basic was the rule I set the day we got married — Divorce never, murder maybe! Bottom line, if separation is not an option you will watch your words and deeds and find a way to work out the toughest problems.
Plans. We all have them. Financial plans. Funeral plans. Plans for our children’s education. Family plans. Education plans. Career plans. Plans for who does the dishes. Plans for servicing the car and backing up the computer. We plan and plan and plan (and rightly so!). One thing I’ve found recently is that we don’t plan for our marriage.
Google ‘marriage plan’. You’ll get a stack of pages about planning a wedding and a few about how to plan for a divorce, but scant information about a marriage plan. Many of us went through ‘pre-marital counselling’ before making our nuptials where you put on your best face and answered the questions in a way you thought your partner would want to hear and think that because you are in love, everything will fall into place. You might of learned about money (we’ll budget), sex (we’ll have lots of it), kids…
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